I Love You

Sometimes I find over time that I've never been living the truth. That everything I thought was real is really a lie. That every moral I thought I believed proves me to be a hypocrite. Minds are strange, emotions even stranger. You were a great friend when I needed one. Thank you. However, time goes on and we find we are in the now. It's a confusing place sometimes. I question who I am, where I am, and if the person I thought I was is in all reality who I really am. I am terrified of intimacy because I'm terrified of myself. I'm terrified of all the hidden corners of myself that I don't wish to embrace, and so I lie. I think we all do it. But over time you get called out and you realize all you've done is cause pain to the people you love. And then you run, onto a new place, new faces, and new people who may never know that you were once close to loving something. I've spent a lot of time running. Intentionally and unintentionally. I want to run now. I want a new start. But then one day I will be right back to where I am now, just in a different place, with different faces. I want to talk to you. You elusive mother fucker who I love to death but sometimes pisses me the hell off... but not really, never really, because it's you and I know you. I just want to talk to you because you're the only one left... maybe you were always the only one. In a room full of people and you feel all alone, surrounded by "friends" and your all alone. Maybe you'll get this... and maybe you'll respond and maybe I'll know what to say back, or maybe I'll lie, put a smile on my face and say it's okay.